Episode 15: Forgiveness
Recorded: December 13, 2025
Hosts: Greg, Rich, Jay, Liam, Derek, Sam, Sarah
Episode Summary
Episode 15 takes an honest, grounded look at forgiveness—what it is, what it is not, and why it can feel so hard. The conversation moves through betrayal, boundaries, self-forgiveness, family wounds, addiction recovery, faith, and the physical and emotional costs of holding resentment.
Rather than pushing “just let it go,” this episode emphasizes truth, safety, pacing, and compassion. Forgiveness is presented as a practice, not a demand—something that unfolds over time, sometimes unevenly, and often alongside grief and growth.
The hosts explore forgiveness from personal experience, research, faith perspectives, recovery frameworks, and everyday life. Listeners are reminded that forgiveness does not require reconciliation, apologies, or forgetting—and that self-forgiveness may be the hardest work of all.
Core Themes & Key Takeaways
Forgiveness is a process, not a moment
Choosing forgiveness does not erase pain or memory
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same
Boundaries are compatible with forgiveness
Emotional healing often lags behind decisions
Self-forgiveness requires honesty without ongoing self-punishment
Forgiveness can improve mental, physical, and emotional health
In faith discussions, forgiveness is described as costly and often beyond human strength alone
Healing is layered, human, and non-linear
Highlights & Insights by Host
Greg
Key Insight: Forgiveness is choosing to stop carrying the weight, not pretending the hurt never existed.
Quote:
“Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It’s not saying it was fine. It’s not weakness. You can forgive and still say, ‘That was wrong,’ and protect yourself.”
Noteworthy Contributions:
Defined forgiveness using both psychological research and lived experience
Introduced Everett Worthington’s REACH model
Emphasized decisional vs. emotional forgiveness
Addressed how forgiveness affects the nervous system and physical health
Framed self-forgiveness as a daily, honest practice rather than a finished task
Shared the Corrie Ten Boom story as an example of grace beyond human capacity
Rich
Key Insight: Forgiveness and access are not the same thing.
Quote:
“Forgiveness softens the heart. Wisdom protects it.”
Noteworthy Contributions:
Clarified the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation
Explained boundaries as information, not punishment
Highlighted that trust is rebuilt through patterns, not apologies
Normalized forgiving someone while choosing distance
Emphasized that forgiveness does not require proximity
Jay
Key Insight: Feeling angry or triggered after forgiving does not mean you failed.
Quote:
“Just because you feel angry or triggered doesn’t mean you did it wrong.”
Noteworthy Contributions:
Shared deeply about self-forgiveness in addiction recovery
Talked openly about guilt and shame following harm done to family
Reminded listeners that emotions can lag behind decisions
Offered hope through his sobriety journey and long-term healing
Liam
Key Insight: Waiting too long to forgive can come with its own regrets.
Quote:
“Don’t wait to forgive, because you don’t know if you’ll get the chance again.”
Noteworthy Contributions:
Shared a vulnerable story about unresolved forgiveness with his mother
Discussed posthumous forgiveness and its complexity
Reflected on rebuilding a strained relationship with his father
Explored forgiveness as remembering differently, not erasing history
Derek
Key Insight: Holding onto anger can eclipse the good that was real.
Quote:
“If you negate everything that mattered, then it’s all been lost for nothing.”
Noteworthy Contributions:
Focused on grounding, gratitude, and perspective as tools for healing
Encouraged embracing meaningful moments without denying pain
Spoke honestly about pride, heated conflict, and emotional spirals
Emphasized learning from pain without becoming consumed by it
Sam
Key Insight: Hatred costs more energy than many people have to spare.
Quote:
“It takes a lot of resources to hate, and I don’t have that many resources left.”
Noteworthy Contributions:
Shared how recovery shaped his approach to forgiveness
Talked about releasing resentment for self-preservation
Addressed forgiving parents while accepting who they are
Used humor and honesty to normalize slow, imperfect progress
Sarah
Key Insight: Forgiveness is about your peace, not someone else’s absolution.
Quote:
“Forgiveness is more for you than it is for anyone else.”
Noteworthy Contributions:
Reflected on pressure to forgive in religious environments
Spoke about forgiving too easily before being truly ready
Emphasized therapy as a place to untangle readiness and pace
Highlighted self-forgiveness as her hardest work
Practical Reflections for Listeners
You are allowed to forgive without reconciling
You are allowed to set boundaries without guilt
You are allowed to not be ready yet
Healing does not move in straight lines
Releasing resentment can be done gradually
Self-kindness is not self-indulgence
Final Thought
Forgiveness does not mean minimizing what happened.
It means choosing not to let the past keep harming you in the present.
You don’t need to be perfect.
You need to be whole.
If this episode resonated, consider sharing it with someone who may be carrying unresolved pain. Healing often starts with being heard.
Be kind to yourself.
Be kind to others.
Give healing the time it needs.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Forgiveness Stories & Teaching
Corrie Ten Boom – Forgiveness Testimony (Video)
Short, powerful story of Corrie Ten Boom meeting a former concentration camp guard and discovering that she could not forgive in her own strength, but that God’s love flowing through her made forgiveness possible.
https://youtu.be/qzHRD0N5ZhU (YouTube)
Everett Worthington – “The Keys to Forgiving the Unforgivable” (Video)
Psychologist Dr. Everett Worthington explains decisional vs. emotional forgiveness, introduces his REACH model, and shares real-life stories—including his own—to show how forgiveness can transform people and relationships.
https://youtu.be/07XCCVY-3ds (YouTube)
Brené Brown – “Still Hurting? Here’s When to Forgive—and When to Let Go” (Video)
Brené Brown explores the difference between forgiving and reconnecting, and how to know when forgiving and staying healthy versus when letting go of a relationship or expectation is the wiser path for your well-being.
https://youtu.be/gsGjlkERP_0 (YouTube)
Brené Brown – “How to Forgive Yourself for Things You Still Feel Guilty About” (Video)
A deep dive into shame, guilt, and self-forgiveness—naming what happened, acknowledging who was hurt, and moving from endless self-criticism toward accountability, compassion, and growth.
https://youtu.be/TktrBS0THM4 (YouTube)
Alan Watts – “How to Forgive Yourself and Forgive the World” (Video)
A reflective talk framing mistakes as part of being human, encouraging you to stop endlessly condemning your past self, and inviting a softer, more spacious view of yourself and others as all of us stumble and learn.
https://youtu.be/H_R8PiGgvtI (Facebook)
Evidence-Based Forgiveness Tools & Worksheets
24 Forgiveness Activities, Exercises, Tips, and Worksheets – PositivePsychology.com
A collection of practical exercises and printable worksheets that help you process hurt, make sense of the pain, and move toward forgiving others or yourself in a structured, research-informed way.
https://positivepsychology.com/forgiveness-exercises-tips-activities-worksheets/ (PositivePsychology.com)
Forgiveness Therapy Worksheet – Mentalyc (Free PDF)
A worksheet that guides you through anger, resentment, and emotional pain with clear prompts. It helps you understand how unresolved feelings affect you and gently supports movement toward empathy, self-compassion, and forgiveness.
https://www.mentalyc.com/worksheets-and-cheatsheets/forgiveness-therapy-worksheet (Mentalyc)
Practicing Forgiveness Using the REACH Technique – BetweenSessions (Worksheet/PDF)
A structured worksheet (based on Everett Worthington’s REACH model) that walks you through remembering the hurt, building empathy, framing forgiveness as a gift, committing to it, and holding onto that choice over time.
https://www.betweensessions.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Practicing-Forgiveness-Using-the-REACH-Technique_042622_ad.pdf (Between Sessions)
Your Path to REACH Forgiveness – Human Flourishing Program (Harvard)
A free, research-tested workbook that uses the brief REACH Forgiveness protocol. Randomized trials show it can increase forgiveness and hope, and reduce anxiety, depression, and distress.
https://hfh.fas.harvard.edu/sites/g/files/omnuum8886/files/2025-04/HFH_REACH%20WB_ALL_Digital_1-Page_Spreads_Final_April_28_2025__0.pdf (Harvard Faculty of Arts and Sciences)
Therapist Aid – “What Is Forgiveness?” Worksheet
A 5-page educational worksheet that explains what forgiveness is (and is not) and walks through four phases—uncovering, decision, work, and deepening—to help reduce anger and resentment without excusing or forgetting harm.
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/what-is-forgiveness (Therapist Aid)
Tava Health – “Reaching Forgiveness” Worksheet (PDF)
A guided worksheet that helps you name the hurt, notice your emotions, and gradually choose forgiveness as a way of releasing resentment and supporting your own healing. It emphasizes that forgiveness is for your peace—not about excusing or forgetting.
https://insights.tavahealth.com/hubfs/Marketing%20Resources/Forgiveness%20Worksheet.pdf (Tava Health Insights)
Everett Worthington – REACH Forgiveness DIY Workbooks
Dr. Worthington offers free, evidence-based “do-it-yourself” workbooks (Word/PDF) for forgiving others, self-forgiveness, humility, and more. These have been tested in multiple studies and shown to reduce unforgiveness, anxiety, and depression.
DIY workbooks page: https://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/diy-workbooks (Everett Worthington)
Main site: https://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/ (Everett Worthington)
The REACH Forgiveness Workbook – Discover Forgiveness
A free, step-by-step workbook (in multiple languages) using the REACH model, with global research showing significant reductions in unforgiveness, depression, and anxiety.
https://www.discoverforgiveness.org/tools/the-reach-forgiveness-workbook (Discover Forgiveness)
Everett Worthington – Self-Forgiveness Workbook (“Moving Forward” companion)
A structured, research-based workbook that adapts Worthington’s methods specifically for forgiving yourself and breaking free from the weight of past mistakes.
https://forgiveself.com/workbooks/20150903%20Self-Forgiveness%20Intervention%20Workbook.pdf (Forgive Self)
Greater Good in Action – “Nine Steps to Forgiveness” (Luskin)
A research-backed practice that walks you through nine steps to let go of a grudge, take things less personally, and find a more compassionate, empowered way forward.
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/nine_steps_to_forgiveness (Greater Good in Action)
Greater Good in Action – “Eight Essentials When Forgiving” (Enright)
Key principles from forgiveness researcher Robert Enright, offering practical guidance to help you forgive while honoring your pain and protecting your well-being.
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/eight_essentials_when_forgiving (Greater Good in Action)
Kindness & Self-Kindness Resources
Random Acts of Kindness Foundation – “The Science of Kindness” (Video)
A short, animated video summarizing research on how everyday kindness reduces stress, supports heart health, and increases happiness—plus ideas for simple acts of kindness.
Video page: https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-videos/18-the-science-of-kindness (The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation)
Random Acts of Kindness Foundation – Main Site
Free kindness ideas, school and workplace resources, lesson plans, and printables to help make kindness a daily practice.
https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ (The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation)
Greater Good in Action – “Random Acts of Kindness” Practice
A 10-minute, research-tested practice where you plan and carry out several acts of kindness, with guidance on how and why this boosts well-being.
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/random_acts_of_kindness (Greater Good in Action)
Greater Good in Action – “Self-Compassion Break”
A short, guided exercise to use in stressful moments—bringing mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness to whatever you’re going through.
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break (Greater Good in Action)
Greater Good Science Center – “Being Kinder to Yourself” (Video & Podcast)
A brief video and podcast episode where a psychiatrist tries the Self-Compassion Break in real life, with encouragement to practice being as kind to yourself as you are to others.
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/video/item/how_to_be_kinder_to_yourself (Greater Good)
Kristin Neff – Self-Compassion Guided Practices
Free audio meditations and exercises (including several versions of the self-compassion break) to help you relate to yourself with more warmth instead of harsh self-judgment.
https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/ (Self-Compassion)
Forgiveness & Faith (Christian Perspective)
Corrie Ten Boom – Forgiveness & Romans 5:5
Corrie’s story (shared above) beautifully illustrates forgiving an enemy through God’s love poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5), and her well-known line:
“Can you forgive? No, I can’t either — but He can.”
Jesus’ Prayer on the Cross – “Father, forgive them…”
In Luke 23:34, Jesus prays, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” This moment is often seen as the ultimate example of radical, costly forgiveness, holding together truth about injustice with mercy toward those who caused it.
If This Episode Was Triggering or You’re in Crisis
Talking about deep hurt, trauma, betrayal, or family wounds can bring up intense feelings. This podcast and these notes are not a crisis service and not a replacement for professional care.
If you’re in immediate danger or thinking about harming yourself, please contact local emergency services right away (for example, 911 in the U.S. and Canada), or reach out to a trusted person near you.
Below are some 24/7 crisis resources you can share in the show notes.
Availability may vary by country, so always check the website for the most current information.
United States
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Free, confidential support 24/7 for anyone in emotional distress, experiencing suicidal thoughts, or mental health/substance use crisis. You can call, text, or chat using the number 988.
Website: https://988lifeline.org (988 Lifeline)
Crisis Text Line
Free, 24/7 text-based support from trained volunteer crisis counselors.
Text HOME or HOLA to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S.
Website: https://www.crisistextline.org (Crisis Text Line)
The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ youth & young adults in the U.S.)
24/7 crisis counseling for LGBTQ+ young people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts, self-harm, family rejection, or other distress.
Call: 1-866-488-7386
Text: START to 678-678
Chat & more info: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/ (The Trevor Project)
United Kingdom & Republic of Ireland
Samaritans
Free, confidential emotional support 24/7 for anyone who is struggling, in distress, or thinking about suicide.
Phone (UK & ROI): 116 123
Website & contact options: https://www.samaritans.org (Samaritans)
Australia
Lifeline Australia
24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention for anyone in emotional distress.
Phone: 13 11 14
Website & online chat: https://www.lifeline.org.au (Lifeline)
Canada (Children, Teens, and Young Adults)
Kids Help Phone
Free, confidential e-mental-health services 24/7 across Canada for young people.
Phone: 1-800-668-6868
Text: CONNECT to 686868
Website: https://kidshelpphone.ca (Kids Help Phone)
Important Note
If you’re outside these regions, or if these services are not available to you, you can:
Search “suicide hotline [your country]” or “mental health crisis line [your region]”
Check your local health department or national mental health organization’s website
Talk with your doctor, therapist, or a trusted community leader about crisis resources nearby
You deserve support.
Reaching out for help is a brave, important step—whether that’s to a friend, a faith leader, a therapist, or a crisis line.