Episode 13: Holiday Stress!

Episode Overview

The holidays are often sold as “cozy lights and warm connections,” but for many people, this time of year is complicated, heavy, and sometimes painful. In this episode, Greg and co-hosts Rich, Derek, and Liam talk openly about the hidden side of the holidays: anxiety, family tension, substance use, money stress, loneliness, and the pressure to “be cheerful” when you’re barely holding it together.

They share personal stories, name common holiday triggers, and offer simple, practical tools to help you get through the season with more kindness toward yourself—whether that looks like taking grounding breaths in your car, stepping away to the bathroom to reset, breaking the ice with a family member, or planning an early exit with a safe word.

This is a compassionate, honest conversation for anyone who feels like the holidays are “supposed to” be joyful but often hurt instead.

Main Themes & Key Topics

The gap between holiday expectations and reality
How crowds, travel, and routine changes affect anxiety and mood
Money stress, shame, and “not doing enough”
Family dynamics, estrangement, and painful history
Substance use, “pre-gaming,” and relapse triggers
Loneliness, isolation, and feeling left out
Simple, actionable coping tools for holiday gatherings
Boundaries, planned exits, and saying no without guilt
Grounding items and strategies to stay present and safe

Notable Quotes & Observations by Each Host

Greg – Naming the Hidden Holiday Struggles

Greg opens the episode by validating the quiet pain a lot of people feel this time of year but rarely say out loud.

“For some people, the holiday season is cozy lights, warm connections, and beloved traditions. But for many people, it feels very different. It's a tight chest when you enter a crowded mall… anxiety before a family gathering that has complicated dynamics… or quiet hurried loneliness when everyone else seems to have plans and you do not.”

Key points from Greg:

Acknowledges multiple layers of holiday stress: crowds, money pressure, travel, family dynamics, loneliness, and mental health struggles like depression, anxiety, self-harm urges, and suicidal thoughts.

Challenges the myth that “everyone else” is enjoying perfect holidays:



You might be thinking: “Everyone else can do this, so why can't I?”



Normalizes struggle:

“If you are struggling, you're not broken and you're definitely not alone.”

Highlights practical tools they’ll cover:

Breathing exercises
Planned exits and leaving early
Safe words with friends or partners
Comfort items (stress balls, noise-canceling headphones, photos, etc.)
Saying “no” without guilt

Key observation: The goal isn’t to make the season seem darker, but to be honest about what many people quietly go through and offer support rather than shame.

Rich – Anxiety, Crowds, Travel, and Turning to Substances

Rich speaks candidly about how the structure of the holidays collides with his anxiety and need for routine.

“For me, it's definitely in crowds, travel disruptions, around routine, and just my need to do grounding exercises to handle that.”

Key points from Rich:

Crowds and overstimulation:



New people and crowded environments are particularly hard for him.

Travel and disrupted routines:



Long drives, airports, and visiting people interfere with:



Sleep and schedule
Diet
Medication
Caffeine intake

Those disruptions make the holidays more stressful than they appear from the outside.

Perceived pressure to act differently:



He feels there’s a social expectation to “show up” in a certain way during the holidays, even if he’s not sure how universal it is.
As a parent, he tries not to pass that pressure onto his kids.

Substances as a “solution” to anxiety:

 “I've realized that I even turn to prescription medications… it doesn't matter what it is, I turn to substances to solve my problems.”

 

He relates to:



“Preemptive” use before gatherings
Using both prescribed medications and other substances as a way to get ready for social situations.

Practical tool – breathing as a reset:

“All I needed to do was some breathing exercises… a couple deep inhales, count to five, few exhales, and just ground myself.”

 


He shares an example of nearly bailing on a holiday gathering, but taking a few moments to:

Breathe deeply
Ground himself
Remind himself where he was and what was happening

Doing that allowed him to attend and actually enjoy the event.

Derek – Family Rituals, Vices, and Strategic “Bathroom Breaks”

Derek reflects on how holiday rituals in his family were shaped around his mother’s emotional state and how coping patterns formed around that.

“It was all based around how she was, what she was wanting and how she was feeling and what would help her ease the pain or heightened anxiety or stress of the holidays. And then the rest of us would just tend to follow suit.”

Key points from Derek:

Family focused on managing one person’s emotions:



The schedule and tone of the holiday were centered on what would “ease” his mother’s stress or pain.
The result: everyone else fell into line to keep things stable.

Unconscious coping with substances:

“Unintentionally or unknowingly… this quote-unquote ritual of consuming alcohol as soon as we get somewhere too cozy and hey everyone let's all relax… grab your vice, this will be nice.”

 


Substances became a ritual:



Drink or smoke as soon as you arrive
Use vices to smooth over tension



It wasn’t framed as a “coping mechanism” but it functioned that way.

Practical tool – the “bathroom escape”:



Derek uses a simple, repeatable strategy to ground himself in stressful social settings (not just holidays):



“When in doubt… I have to go use the restroom right now… That code was, I need to not be here for five minutes.”

 
How he does it:


Tells close people he needs the restroom (which is true enough to be accepted).
Goes to a stall, sits, and:

Breathes
Grounds himself
Lets his nervous system calm down

Returns after a few minutes more regulated.

This works at:



Family gatherings
Work events
Weddings, funerals, and other crowded or emotionally charged spaces.

Liam – Substance Use, Painful History, and Breaking the Ice

Liam shares honestly about using substances to cope with holiday stress and the complex dynamics in families with shared histories of addiction and pain.

“I found holiday stress to cause me to maybe in the past use substances before get-togethers even happened because I thought that would help reduce my stress in dealing with family…”

Key points from Liam:

Pre-gathering substance use:



He used substances before events to “prepare” for:



Family interactions
Travel stress
Old hurts resurfacing in conversation

In his mind, it “eased” the pain, but often:

“A lot of times that would just make things worse.”

Painful shared history in families:

“You may be getting together for a specific reason for a certain holiday, but… you're going to be talking about history that probably is painful and can be awkward and embarrassing.”

 


The holiday theme is often overshadowed by:



Old conflicts
Embarrassing situations
Longstanding hurt

Substances both cover and expose:

“There were a lot of things covered up by substance use and a lot of things that probably shouldn't have been brought to light because of substance use.”

 


Substances:



Numb pain or keep things “pleasant”
But also lower inhibitions and bring up things in hurtful or chaotic ways

Money and gifts in a low-income family:



Liam’s family struggled financially, but was also loving and understanding.



“We try to at least take that stress part out of the equation… having an understanding that just being together on the holidays is what's supposed to be in the spirit of each holiday.”

 
They try to de-emphasize:


Gift value
The idea of “enough” presents

Emphasize:



Presence over presents
Togetherness and letting “bygones be bygones”

Practical tool – breaking the ice and naming love early:

“When I get to a gathering, I like to start out with something like… ‘Hey, it's so great to be with you. I love you. We haven't seen each other in a while.’”

 


Why it helps:



Cuts through:



Silent treatment
Power games
Passive-aggressive tension

Signals goodwill and safety:



You’re not pretending the past doesn’t exist
But you’re choosing connection for this moment

Outcome:



Less tension for the whole group
More room to actually enjoy each other during the holiday, even if deep issues aren’t fully resolved

Practical Coping Tools Discussed

The episode highlights several concrete strategies that listeners can adapt to their own situations.

Grounding and Breathing Exercises (Rich)

Take a short pause before entering a stressful situation:

Sit in your car or a quiet space.
Try a simple pattern:


Inhale slowly through the nose for a count of 5
Hold briefly if comfortable
Exhale slowly for a count of 5

Remind yourself:



Where you are
What is happening right now
That you can leave if you truly need to

Use as needed:



Before going in
In the middle of a gathering (step aside if needed)

Planned Exits and “Bathroom Break” Resets (Derek)

Create an internal rule: “When in doubt, step away.”

Use neutral excuses like:



“I need to use the restroom,” or
“I need a quick moment, I’ll be right back.”

In the bathroom or a quiet hallway:



Sit, breathe, notice your body (feet on the floor, hands on your lap).
Give yourself 3–5 minutes to let your body settle.



Then return if it feels safe enough, or use it as a moment to decide if you need to leave.

Rescue Text Codes & Safe Words (Greg)

Set up a simple code with a trusted friend or partner before the event:

An uncommon word or phrase not likely to be said accidentally.
Example: a random object, inside joke, or unusual phrase.

Agree on what it means:



“I need you to call me with a reason to leave.”
Or “I need you to come find me,” or “We’re leaving now.”

This reduces the pressure to:



Stay longer than you can handle
Explain your stress in the moment

Comfort & Grounding Items (Greg)

Have a small kit of items that help you feel safer or more present:

Touch-based:



Stress ball
Smooth stone
Fidget toy
Small stuffed animal

Visual:



Photo of someone who feels safe to you
Snow globe
Calm “I spy” bottle

Sound:



Noise-canceling headphones or earbuds
A soothing playlist or white noise

Scented:



Essential oil roller (lavender, citrus, etc.)
A familiar lotion or small scented item

These can be kept in a bag, pocket, or car as quiet support tools.

Breaking the Ice with Kindness (Liam)

Instead of starting interactions with tension or avoidance:

Greet the person warmly:



“I’m really glad to see you.”
“It’s good to be here with you.”
“I love you and I’m glad we’re together today.”

This:



Reduces awkwardness
Makes it less likely that the whole time is dominated by unspoken resentment
Can shift the tone for the entire group

Saying No and Leaving Early (Greg)

While not deeply unpacked in the transcript, Greg names:

It’s okay to say no:



You’re allowed to decline invitations that feel unsafe or overwhelming.

Leaving early is allowed:



You don’t have to “earn” your exit with suffering.
A planned exit time can reduce anxiety going in.

Core Takeaways

You are not alone if the holidays are difficult.

Many people feel anxious, sad, overwhelmed, or disconnected this time of year, even if they don’t say it out loud.

Holiday “rituals” are often built around managing stress, not joy.

Families may unconsciously organize around one person’s emotions, or rely on substances as part of their unofficial holiday script.

Substances can feel like a shortcut, but often complicate things.

Using before or during gatherings may numb pain in the short term but can worsen conflict, shame, and confusion.

 
Simple tools can make a real difference.

Grounding breaths, brief time-outs, rescue codes, comfort items, and starting with kindness can help you get through gatherings more safely.

Financial limitations do not make you a failure.

Being short on money is common, and you are not letting people down by not buying big gifts. Connection, not cost, is what matters.

 
You’re allowed to protect your well-being.

Saying no, stepping away, or leaving early are all valid options. Your mental health matters more than meeting a holiday ideal.

Resources Mentioned

Greg shares a robust list of support options in the show notes, especially for anyone dealing with self-harm thoughts, suicidal thoughts, substance use, grief, or mental health challenges.

Some highlighted resources include:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) — call or text 988, 24/7 — https://988lifeline.org
Crisis Text Line — text HOME to 741741 — https://www.crisistextline.org
The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ youth) — 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678 — https://www.thetrevorproject.org
SAMHSA National Helpline (substance use & mental health referrals) — 1-800-662-HELP (4357) — https://www.samhsa.gov
FindTreatment.gov (treatment locator for substance use & mental health) — https://findtreatment.gov
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) — support groups & resources — https://www.nami.org
GriefShare — grief support groups and recovery resources — https://www.griefshare.org
My Grief Angels — directory of grief support by type of loss — https://www.mygriefangels.org
Well Beings — national mental health resource guide & support groups — https://wellbeings.org
Partnership to End Addiction — grief & family support for substance loss — https://drugfree.org
TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) — military survivor resources — https://www.taps.org
Herren Project — online recovery support — https://herrenproject.org
Psychology Today therapist directory — https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
Open Path Collective (low‑cost therapy) — https://openpathcollective.org

Find a Helpline — Global Support 24/7

Find a Helpline offers immediate, free, and confidential support through over 1,300 helplines in more than 130 countries. Services include suicide prevention, domestic violence help, and support for anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns. An intelligent ranking system connects you with the most relevant helplines for your needs. Available 24/7 in a judgment-free space so you can get help anytime.

https://findahelpline.com/

If you’re in immediate danger or thinking about harming yourself, call 911 or your local emergency number. You can also call or text: 988 (U.S.). 

For listeners outside the U.S., check local health services and crisis lines.

You don’t have to go through this alone. There is help, and there is hope.

Episode Summary in Bullet Points

Holidays are not universally joyful; they can amplify:
Anxiety, depression, loneliness
Money stress and shame
Family conflict and estrangement
Substance use and relapse risk
Feelings of not measuring up to a “perfect holiday” image

Each host shares real experiences with:



Crowds and overstimulation (Rich)
Family rituals centered on one person’s emotional state (Derek)
Pre-gathering substance use and painful family history (Liam)
The pressure to be cheerful and “on” (Greg & group)

Practical tools offered:



Breathing and grounding exercises
Planned exits and safe words/rescue texts
Time-outs in the bathroom or a quiet space
Comfort/grounding items (sensory, visual, sound, scent)
Breaking the ice early with warmth and direct expressions of care
Reducing gift pressure and focusing on presence over presents

Core message:



Struggling during the holidays does not mean you are broken or failing.
It’s okay to need extra help.
There is support, and there is hope.

If this episode spoke to you, consider sharing it with someone who might also be struggling this season. A simple link and “this made me feel less alone” can be a powerful act of kindness.