30 October 2026
311. Former Tinder Sociologist Explains What We Get Wrong About Dating Apps w/ Dr. Jess Carbino
Dating Intentionally
About
What if dating apps aren’t the problem, but the expectations we bring to them? In this episode, I’m talking with sociologist and dating expert Dr. Jess Carbino about how dating apps have changed the way we meet people, why we put so much pressure on finding an instant connection, and how to approach dating with more intention.
Jess shares what she learned from her time as Tinder’s 25th employee, why the spark isn’t the only thing that matters when choosing a partner, and how romantic relationships can help us understand ourselves and change the patterns we bring into our relationships.
We’re getting into how to...
Use dating apps as a way to meet people instead of treating every match like a promise of a relationship
Let go of the pressure to find a magical meet-cute or experience love at first sight
Balance chemistry and attraction with compatibility and long-term potential
Understand how our early relationships shape the patterns we repeat in adulthood
Think critically about how AI can help with dating and where it can get in the way of genuine connection
Decide what matters most to you before you start swiping
Know what you can and can’t learn about someone from a dating profile
Create a dating profile that reflects who you really are instead of who you think you should be
Stop trying to present an idealized version of yourself to attract a partner
Approach dating with more confidence and trust that not meeting someone yet doesn’t mean you never will
Plus, Jess and I answer a dating dilemma from a 46-year-old single dad who has started dating a woman again after their first attempt ended because she didn’t feel the spark. We talk about how long to give the connection to develop, what might be holding her back, and what he should consider before continuing to invest in the relationship.
MENTIONED
Jess’s upcoming book: Better Love — available to preorder through her website
MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)
Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?
Say hi on Instagram
Book a 1:1 with me
Submit a dating dilemma
Jess shares what she learned from her time as Tinder’s 25th employee, why the spark isn’t the only thing that matters when choosing a partner, and how romantic relationships can help us understand ourselves and change the patterns we bring into our relationships.
We’re getting into how to...
Use dating apps as a way to meet people instead of treating every match like a promise of a relationship
Let go of the pressure to find a magical meet-cute or experience love at first sight
Balance chemistry and attraction with compatibility and long-term potential
Understand how our early relationships shape the patterns we repeat in adulthood
Think critically about how AI can help with dating and where it can get in the way of genuine connection
Decide what matters most to you before you start swiping
Know what you can and can’t learn about someone from a dating profile
Create a dating profile that reflects who you really are instead of who you think you should be
Stop trying to present an idealized version of yourself to attract a partner
Approach dating with more confidence and trust that not meeting someone yet doesn’t mean you never will
Plus, Jess and I answer a dating dilemma from a 46-year-old single dad who has started dating a woman again after their first attempt ended because she didn’t feel the spark. We talk about how long to give the connection to develop, what might be holding her back, and what he should consider before continuing to invest in the relationship.
MENTIONED
Jess’s upcoming book: Better Love — available to preorder through her website
MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)
Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?
Say hi on Instagram
Book a 1:1 with me
Submit a dating dilemma