How to Talk with Our Kids About the Difficult Parts of Their Stories

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Talking about the difficult parts of our child's story, like abuse or prenatal substance exposure, can be overwhelming. Kelly Weidner, the co-founder and Executive Director of Haven Adoptions & Family Services in Ambler, PA. She has 28 years of experience in foster care, residential care, and adoption, which will help us navigate these challenging conversations with our kids.

In this episode, we discuss:

What kinds of issues do we mean when we say “difficult parts” of a child’s story? What are some of the everyday challenging conversations that adoptive parents must tackle?Why is it necessary to introduce these potentially painful, complex issues to our kids?Why are parents reluctant to talk about these issues?What steps should adoptive parents take when choosing to start these conversations? Where do they start?What is a Lifebook, and how can parents use them to introduce and build on the story as their child grows?
What should be included?How does a Lifebook differ between the types of adoption?What if your child wants to bring their Lifebook to school or show it to people outside the family?
What language can you use with young children to lay the groundwork for later, with more details filled in as they grow?How would a parent start the conversation about being conceived during a rape or abusive relationship, across several ages or stages, to build understanding?As another example, should we tell our kids about abuse or neglect that happened to them if they don’t remember it? How?Should you tell a child that her birth mother’s use of drugs or alcohol during pregnancy might be the cause of their learning disabilities? How do you help your child understand how much of his story he should share with others outside the family?What if you don’t believe the birth mother’s story of what happened? What if you don’t know the details of what happened, just that something “big” did happen?How can adoptive parents help their children understand that they are more than the difficult parts of their history and that they are not doomed to repeat their birth parents' mistakes?What are some practical tips for supporting our kids after we’ve had to share hard-to-hear information?

Resources:

Suggested Books for Adoptive FamiliesUsing Lifebooks to Explain Complex Issues in Adoption to KidsBuilding the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their Stories

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