Public domain audiobook

Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's ''Leaves o' Grass''

English· 06:34:26· 30 chapters

There can really be no excuse for this last book of trite and beautiful sayings. I do not attempt, in any way, to palliate this great wrong. I would not do so even if I had an idea what palliate meant. . . . I have taken great care to thoroughly eradicate anything that would have the appearance of poetry in this work, and there is not a thought or suggestion contained in it that would soil the most delicate fabric.
Do not read it all at once, however, in order to see whether he married the girl or not. Take a little at a time, and it will cure gloom on the "similia simili-bus curanter" principle. - Summary by Bill Nye

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Chapters

Chapter 1
DEDICATION.; BALED HAY
13:59
Chapter 2
GREELEY AID RUM.; ABOUT SAW MILLS.; EXPERIMENTS WITH OLD CHEESE.; THE RAG-CARPET.
12:50
Chapter 3
ONE KIND OF A BOY.; THE CHAMPION MEAN MAN.; FRATERNAL SPARRING.; CHIPETA'S ADDRESS TO THE UTES.
14:17
Chapter 4
BILL NYE'S CAT.; AUTUMN THOUGHTS.; THE MAN WHO INTERRUPTS.
15:34
Chapter 5
THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN COW.; PRESERVING EGGS.; HUMAN' NATURE ON THE HALF-SHELL.; TOO CONTIGUOUS.; THE AMENDE HONORABLE.
11:39
Chapter 6
JOAQUIN AND JUNIATA.; SOME VAGUE THOUGHTS.; THE YOUMORIST.; MY CABINET.
14:06
Chapter 7
HEALTH FOOD.; PINES FOR HIS OLD HOME
12:13
Chapter 8
ONE TOUCH OF NATURE.; HOW TO PUT UP A STOVE-PIPE.; FUN OF BEING A PUBLISHER.; LINGERIE.; FRUIT.; THE BONE OF CONTENTION.
13:21
Chapter 9
CONGRATULATORY.; THE AGONY IS OVER.; OSTRICH CAVALRY.; AN ELECTRIC BELT.; THE ANNUAL WAIL; HE WAS NOT A BURGLAR.
10:43
Chapter 10
BEST ON, BLESSED MEMORY.
14:27
Chapter 11
GENIUS AND WHISKY.; THE TWO-HEADED GIRL; THE CULTIVATION OF GUM.; WE HAVE REASONED IT OUT.; CARVING SCHOOLS.
13:31
Chapter 12
DIGNITY.; ALWAYS ROOM AT THE TOP.; INACCURATE.; THE WESTERN ''CHAP.''
13:57
Chapter 13
AN INCIDENT OF THE CAMPAIGN.; WHY DO THEY DO IT?; TWO STYLES.; GOSHALLHEMLOCK SALVE.; THE STAGE BALD-HEAD.
12:26
Chapter 14
FATHERLY WORDS.; THE GOOD TIME COMING.; MANIA FOR MARKING CLOTHES.; REGARDING THE NOSE.
13:58
Chapter 15
SOMETHING TOO MUCH OF THIS.; COLOR BLINDNESS.; IS DUELING MURDER?; HEAP GONE.; THE EDITORIAL LAMP.
12:07
Chapter 16
DIFFICULT TO IDENTIFY.; THE MAROON SAUSAGE.; TESTIMONIALS OF REGARD.; THE CHINESE COMPOSITOR; SNOWED UNDER; ROUGH ON OSCAR.
10:24
Chapter 17
THE POSTAL CARD.; WHY WE ARE NOT GAY.; SCIENTIFIC.; THE REVELATION RACKET IN UTAH.
16:48
Chapter 18
SAGE BRUSH TONIC.; LAME FROM HIS BERTH.; THE PUBLIC PRINTER.
18:40
Chapter 19
SAD DESTRUCTION.; THE IMMEDIATE REVOLVER; THE SECRET OF HEALTH.; HOUSEHOLD RECIPES.; WHAT IS LITERATURE?; THE PREVIOUS HOTEL.
10:34
Chapter 20
ANECDOTE OF SPOTTED TAIL.; THE ZEALOUS VOTER.; HOW TO PRESERVE TEETH; MR. BEECHER'S BRAIN.; OH, NO!
09:50
Chapter 21
THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION.; AN UNCLOUDED WELCOME.; THE PILLOW-SHAM HOLDER.; SOMETHING FRESH.; YANKED TO ETERNITY.; WHY WE SHED THE SCALDING.
12:09
Chapter 22
ANOTHER SUGGESTION.; PISCATORIAL AND EDITORIAL; ANOTHER FEATHERED SONGSTER; ABOUT THE OSTRICH; TOO MUCH GOD AND NO FLOUR.; WE ARE GETTING CYNICAL
11:25
Chapter 23
ASK US SOMETHING DIFFICULT.; THE MIMIC STAGE.; DECLINE OF AMERICAN HUMOR; CHICAGO CUSTOM HOUSE; FOREIGN OPINION
14:38
Chapter 24
THEY HAVE CURBED THEIR WOE.; HUNG BY REQUEST.; THE MELVILLES.; MENDING BROKEN NECKS.; ARE YOU A MORMON?
12:58
Chapter 25
CAUTION.; POISONS AND THEIR ANECDOTES.; CORRESPONDENCE.; WHAT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY NEEDS.
16:49
Chapter 26
TABLE MANNERS OF CHILDREN.; WHAT IT MEANT.; VOTERS IN UTAH.; INCONGRUITY
11:15
Chapter 27
RIDING DOWN A MOUNTAIN.; CORRALED HIM.; FIRMNESS.; PUT IN A SUMP.
14:26
Chapter 28
MINING AS A SCIENCE; DRAWBACKS OF ROYALTY.; ENGLISH HUMOR; ABOUT THE AUTOPSY.
12:31
Chapter 29
DON'T LIKE OUR STYLE.; MR. T. WILSON.; ETIQUETTE OF THE NAPKIN; AN INFERNAL MACHINE.
11:47
Chapter 30
THE CODFISH.; HIS AGED MOTHER.; BUSINESS LETTERS.; DANGER OF GARDENING.
11:04

Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's ''Leaves o' Grass''

Chapters

DEDICATION.; BALED HAY

GREELEY AID RUM.; ABOUT SAW MILLS.; EXPERIMENTS WITH OLD CHEESE.; THE RAG-CARPET.

ONE KIND OF A BOY.; THE CHAMPION MEAN MAN.; FRATERNAL SPARRING.; CHIPETA'S ADDRESS TO THE UTES.

BILL NYE'S CAT.; AUTUMN THOUGHTS.; THE MAN WHO INTERRUPTS.

THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN COW.; PRESERVING EGGS.; HUMAN' NATURE ON THE HALF-SHELL.; TOO CONTIGUOUS.; THE AMENDE HONORABLE.

JOAQUIN AND JUNIATA.; SOME VAGUE THOUGHTS.; THE YOUMORIST.; MY CABINET.

HEALTH FOOD.; PINES FOR HIS OLD HOME

ONE TOUCH OF NATURE.; HOW TO PUT UP A STOVE-PIPE.; FUN OF BEING A PUBLISHER.; LINGERIE.; FRUIT.; THE BONE OF CONTENTION.

CONGRATULATORY.; THE AGONY IS OVER.; OSTRICH CAVALRY.; AN ELECTRIC BELT.; THE ANNUAL WAIL; HE WAS NOT A BURGLAR.

BEST ON, BLESSED MEMORY.

GENIUS AND WHISKY.; THE TWO-HEADED GIRL; THE CULTIVATION OF GUM.; WE HAVE REASONED IT OUT.; CARVING SCHOOLS.

DIGNITY.; ALWAYS ROOM AT THE TOP.; INACCURATE.; THE WESTERN ''CHAP.''

AN INCIDENT OF THE CAMPAIGN.; WHY DO THEY DO IT?; TWO STYLES.; GOSHALLHEMLOCK SALVE.; THE STAGE BALD-HEAD.

FATHERLY WORDS.; THE GOOD TIME COMING.; MANIA FOR MARKING CLOTHES.; REGARDING THE NOSE.

SOMETHING TOO MUCH OF THIS.; COLOR BLINDNESS.; IS DUELING MURDER?; HEAP GONE.; THE EDITORIAL LAMP.

DIFFICULT TO IDENTIFY.; THE MAROON SAUSAGE.; TESTIMONIALS OF REGARD.; THE CHINESE COMPOSITOR; SNOWED UNDER; ROUGH ON OSCAR.

THE POSTAL CARD.; WHY WE ARE NOT GAY.; SCIENTIFIC.; THE REVELATION RACKET IN UTAH.

SAGE BRUSH TONIC.; LAME FROM HIS BERTH.; THE PUBLIC PRINTER.

SAD DESTRUCTION.; THE IMMEDIATE REVOLVER; THE SECRET OF HEALTH.; HOUSEHOLD RECIPES.; WHAT IS LITERATURE?; THE PREVIOUS HOTEL.

ANECDOTE OF SPOTTED TAIL.; THE ZEALOUS VOTER.; HOW TO PRESERVE TEETH; MR. BEECHER'S BRAIN.; OH, NO!

THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION.; AN UNCLOUDED WELCOME.; THE PILLOW-SHAM HOLDER.; SOMETHING FRESH.; YANKED TO ETERNITY.; WHY WE SHED THE SCALDING.

ANOTHER SUGGESTION.; PISCATORIAL AND EDITORIAL; ANOTHER FEATHERED SONGSTER; ABOUT THE OSTRICH; TOO MUCH GOD AND NO FLOUR.; WE ARE GETTING CYNICAL

ASK US SOMETHING DIFFICULT.; THE MIMIC STAGE.; DECLINE OF AMERICAN HUMOR; CHICAGO CUSTOM HOUSE; FOREIGN OPINION

THEY HAVE CURBED THEIR WOE.; HUNG BY REQUEST.; THE MELVILLES.; MENDING BROKEN NECKS.; ARE YOU A MORMON?

CAUTION.; POISONS AND THEIR ANECDOTES.; CORRESPONDENCE.; WHAT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY NEEDS.

TABLE MANNERS OF CHILDREN.; WHAT IT MEANT.; VOTERS IN UTAH.; INCONGRUITY

RIDING DOWN A MOUNTAIN.; CORRALED HIM.; FIRMNESS.; PUT IN A SUMP.

MINING AS A SCIENCE; DRAWBACKS OF ROYALTY.; ENGLISH HUMOR; ABOUT THE AUTOPSY.

DON'T LIKE OUR STYLE.; MR. T. WILSON.; ETIQUETTE OF THE NAPKIN; AN INFERNAL MACHINE.

THE CODFISH.; HIS AGED MOTHER.; BUSINESS LETTERS.; DANGER OF GARDENING.